Keep him tied, it makes him well

Wellbutrin

2009-02-23T20:40:27Z

Can't live with it, can't live without it... Meh.

"Someday You Will Be Loved"

I once knew a girl
In the years of my youth
With eyes like the summer
All beauty and truth
In the morning I fled
Left a note and it read
Someday you will be loved.

I cannot pretend that I felt any regret
Cause each broken heart will eventually mend
As the blood runs red down the needle and thread
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You may feel alone when you're falling asleep
And everytime tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved
Someday you will be loved

!!!!!!

2008-12-20T00:48:37Z

I could not scream loud enough to express how I feel.

If only I could find some inner peace.

My baby got hurt =(

2008-11-15T11:37:50Z

So I was on my way home from work this morning, after a 12 hour day, which just dragged on and nothing went is planned. I'm on 880 north just before mission blvd, and due to construction the only lane open is the fast lane. I'm going maybe 50mph in traffic when everyone in front of me slams on their brakes down to about 25 almost instantly. So I break and move towards the center so people further back can see me braking and don't get hit.

Suddenly I see a flicker of light and hear screeching tires. I look over my right shoulder in time to see a car in the construction area (where no one was) spinning around to the left, right at me, I have maybe about 1 second before he hits me. I immediately look forward, theres no where to go, I'm trapped. Then there was a silence, a calm, as I waited what seemed like 30 seconds.

Did he miss me? I didn't hear him hit the guard ra-SMACK. Nope. No such luck. He tore my back bumper down a bit, he scuffed up my rim, I'm not sure what happened to my exhaust, but it sounds like an STI now. I kinda like it, but I'm afraid its not healthy for the engine. I don't know if any mechanical damage was incurred, everything SEEMS ok. And yes, I am fine. No injuries to report. My baby isn't though. My baby has been beat up.

FUCK.

Its 2am, I just worked a 12 hour day, I had 8 hours to go home, sleep, and come back for another maybe 10-12 hour day. Now I have to deal with this shit.

FUCK.

Take your time... dont live too fast

2008-06-20T23:34:55Z

Simple Man
ont live too fast,
Troubles will come and they will pass.
Go find a woman and youll find love,
And dont forget son,
There is someone up above.

And be a simple kind of man.
Be something you love and understand.
Be a simple kind of man.
Wont you do this for me son,
If you can?

Mama told me when I was young
Come sit beside me, my only son
And listen closely to what I say.
And if you do this
It will help you some sunny day.
Take your time... d
Forget your lust for the rich mans gold
All that you need is in your soul,
And you can do this if you try.
All that I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.

And be a simple kind of man.
Be something you love and understand.
Be a simple kind of man.
Wont you do this for me son,
If you can?

Boy, dont you worry... youll find yourself.
Follow you heart and nothing else.
And you can do this if you try.
All I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.

And be a simple kind of man.
Be something you love and understand.
Be a simple kind of man.
Wont you do this for me son,
If you can?

Thanks, Mr. Obvious, I hadn't realized that.

2008-06-01T16:11:43Z

My horoscope for today:

"You gain strength today by making time to be by yourself. Although you prefer to be interacting with others most of the time, sometimes you need to replenish your energy by eliminating all the noisy distractions. Even if it feels uncomfortable, a bit of solitude now could be just what the doctor ordered."

Lets see what happens...

2008-05-21T05:39:36Z

Comment and I will:

1. Tell you why I befriended you.
2. Associate you with something - fandom, a song, a color, a photo, etc.
3. Tell you something I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory I have of you.
5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
6. Tell you my favourite user pic of yours.
7. In return, you must post this in your LJ.

Do you feel the way you hate, do you hate the way you feel?

2008-05-01T17:16:44Z

Greedy Fly

Do you feel the way you hate
Do you hate the way you feel
Always closest to the flame
Ever closer to the blade, yeah
I am poison crazy lush
Built these hands to lift me up
We are servants of our formulaic ways
I'm screaming daisies
From 14 miles away
I've got my own time
Got it all today

Make up your mind
I need some help
To find this mind

Limbo this and limbo that
You were this and you were that
Ever know that what you fear is what you find
This Indian summer
I signed my life away
There's a greedy fly in here
And I fly away

Make up your mind
Need some help
Find this mind

Make up your mind
Need some help
Find this mind

why not?

2008-05-01T05:05:25Z

Has anyone ever seen you in your underwear?
hah, no idea, but at least like 20 maybe?

Are you stubborn?
I can be if I'm in the mood, but not normally

Miss the last person you had a thing for?
depends on your definition of "thing", in one case, I miss her a little, but I'm working on that not being the case. I don't need to miss her. The other one is kinda the same, I do miss her, but I know I'm better off without her. No matter where I go in life, I will love her, but our paths were never meant to travel together.

What are you looking forward to?
I WAS looking forward to this vacation, but now that its almost over, I'm not sure. Maybe just whats in store for me?

Who are the third and eighteenth texts in your phone from?
I don't text enough for this to be important

What do you usually do first in the morning?
wish that I could sleep another couple hours

Slept in a different bed?
all the time. Traveling once to twice a month will do that.

Do you still talk to the last person you kissed?
yes, I just took them out to dinner =) (yes, them)

What is one emotion you are feeling right now?
Lonely, Neglected.

Who did you hang out with last night?
Tim, Cat, Ryan

What are you currently doing?
hahahaha well thats actually kinda funny...I'm dropping the kids off at the pool. I swear laptops were made for this exact activity

Have you told anybody you loved them today?
no.

Any plans for tomorrow?
wash my car, unpack stuff, gta 4

Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
there are a few.

Do you find the opposite sex confusing?
eh not confusing, just misguided

Is there anybody you wish you could be with right now?
Not really. No one I know is willing to offer what I need.

Are you gonna be home alone tonight?
Nope. thanks to ryan

When is the last time you saw a movie in theaters?
oh I have no idea.

What are you doing tonight?
drinking and playing gta 4

How has this week been?
eventfull. A LOT has happened, and theres a lot for me to process.

Do you have a best friend?
I have a few very close friends, I don't want to rate them, thank you.

When is the last time you took a nap?
yesterday actually

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
Everyone makes mistakes. Probably a lot less then they would have you believe, but I think everyone deserves a second chance.

What's your most hated food?
Pho

How old are your siblings?
28

What do you want to do most right now?
cuddle

Is your myspace profile private?
na

Have you kissed someone in the past week?
yeappers

What do you carry with you at all times?
keys?

Goal you would like to achieve this school year:
self improvement.

How many piercings do you have?
not a single one

What is the shortest relationship you have ever been in?
oh Jasmine and I dated for like 4 days after 11 years of buildup

Have you ever written a love letter?
yes, a lot to Jasmine <3

Are you a morning person or a night person?
night

Do you remember your dreams?
not usually

Is someone mad at you right now?
I hope not.

Are you perfect?
fuck you. not a single person in the world can say yes to this question. It is the very nature of human kind that we are NOT perfect.

When was the last time you were sick?
IDK

How many siblings do you have?
1

Next kiss?
god knows. couple days? couple months?

Single, Taken or Lookin' ?
Single.

Outloud

2008-04-17T23:36:42Z

Outloud
By: Dispatch

would you be the wind to blow me home
would you be a dream
on the wings of a poem
and if you were walking through a crowd
you know I'd be proud

If you'd call my name out loud
If you'd call my name out loud
Do you suppose that I would come running
Do you suppose I'd come at all
I suppose I would

And if we were walking
Down a dead end street
Would you be the one to let our eyes meet
Or would you just keep on walking
Down to the turn around
Cause you know I'd be proud

If you'd call my name out loud
If you'd call my name out loud
Do you suppose that I would come running
Do you suppose I'd come at all
I suppose I would

And if I was gone from the land we know
Would be the dawn
And let your beauty still show
And if you were walking
And heard the cold night coming
Would you call my name
Cause you know I'd come running

If you'd call my name out loud
If you'd call my name out loud
Do you suppose that I would come running
Do you suppose I'd come at all
I suppose I would

You know I would
You know I would
You know I would
You know I would
I'd come running
I'd come running
If you call my name out loud

pandora.com rocks =)

2008-03-11T19:02:55Z

The Scientist
Coldplay

Come up to meet ya, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need ya
And tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets, and nurse me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming in tails
Heads on a science apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart.
Questions of science, science and progress
Don't speak as loud as my heart.
Tell me you love me, and come back and haunt me,
Oh, when I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing tails
coming back as we are.

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy.
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start.

Screaming Infidelities

2008-03-09T19:11:27Z

You're not alone and you're not discreet.

Screaming Infidelities
Dashboard Confessionals

I'm missing your bed, I never sleep
Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak
And this bottle of beast is taking me home.

I'm cuddling close to blankets and sheets
You're not alone and you're not discreet.
You make sure I know who's taking you home.

I'm reading your note over again,
There's not a word that I comprehend,
Except when you signed it:
"I'll love you always and forever"

As for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs,
And sit alone and wonder, how you're making out.
And as for me I wish that I was anywhere, with anyone, making out.

I'm missing your laugh,
How did it break?
And when did your eyes
Begin to look fake?
I hope you're as happy as you're pretending

I'm cuddling close to blankets and sheets
I am alone in my defeat
I wish I knew you were safely at home

I'm missing your bed, I never sleep.
Avoiding the spots where we'd have to speak.
And this bottle of beast is taking me home.

Well as for now I'm gonna hear the saddest songs,
And sit alone and wonder...
How you're making out.
And as for me I wish that I was anywhere, with anyone...
Making out

Your hair it's everywhere.
Screaming infidelities and taking its wear.
Your hair it's everywhere.
Screaming infidelities and taking its wear.
Your hair it's everywhere.
Screaming infidelities and taking its wear.
Your hair it's everywhere.
Screaming infidelities and taking its wear

Wierd ass dream...

2008-03-07T12:44:51Z

Okay, so here I am in Venezuela, its a crime ridden town with few who speak english, I've been stressed the whole time and trying to cope while doing my job.

Last night, I had one of the oddest dreams I've ever had.

The beginning is a bit fuzzy, I was driving around with my brother and krista (I think krista was driving?) and my dad was driving his jeep (which he has sold) with a boat attached to it? Anywho, we're driving along and Jeremy is obsessing over buying diamonds, he just can't seem to get over some deal he found and can't talk about anything but buying diamonds.

So we're driving along and all the sudden the left front wheel bursts and sparks start flying everywhere, krista wrestles the car off the road and somehow we end up stranded on the top of some small structure, 30 feet in the air.

I'm not sure how we got down, then next thing I remember I'm walking through downtown Livermore looking for my car, which my brother refuses to tell me where he parked it because he's obsessed with diamonds. I'm alone at this point, I don't know where everyone else went. I come across some white teenagers giving a bunch of shit to some black guys. I tell the white kids to basically get a life and start chatting with the black guys. We hit it off and I somehow end up in a restaurant of something with all their friends dancing with some guy(?).

Somewhere in here, they turn into some sort of Spanish speaking people, whether it be Mexican or Venezuelan. I also seemed to hit it off with some hottie from this group at one point or another.

Suddenly, we here a noise outside. We run out and see what appears to be a massive fire-ball of a meteor coming through the atmosphere. I then realize its a lot closer then I first thought and it seems to crash into a house just down the street. Mysteriously, it rises out of the house in a ghost like state and comes right at me. I'm very fearful at first. Then it envelopes me, and I get a strange sense of calm, of knowing all is OK.

I go back to the african-american/mexican/venezuelan people I was hanging out with and start talking to that girl I hit it off with. I tell her, "Esta Dios" (yes, I actually spoke in spanish in my dream) which means "Its God", I think. For some reason, I was certain this was a supernatural power, whether it be god or not, and it had picked me to "possess" in some way. I also tell that random dude I was dancing with that "Esta Dios".

Soon after Police surround the house we're in. They're after one of the guys thats with us. He is falsely accused of murder. Somehow, I know that this supernatural power has given ME its power. I can control all of space and time, but how? The cops bust in the door and we all run out. I am trying my hardest to protect everyone with me from the bullets being shot at us. We escape into some sort of a van and haul ass out of there. We run into a supermarket to try to avoid the police. Soon enough, they are in the parking lot, they have found our van. A couple guys come into the store and we nonchalantly exit and run down an allay, while I use my "power" to make us invisible or at least make them not notice us, looking for some sort of get away. And lo and behold, we find my car (ah such the perfect get away car ;) We all pile in, just as the police find us, and I once again start to protect everyone, and my beautiful car, from the barrage of bullets headed our way, this time, I am confident in my abilities.

I'm not sure if there was anything after that... I think I woke up.

This was such an odd dream for a couple reasons. A, I was blessed with the powers of a god, something thats never happened to me in a dream. B, I spoke spanish in my dream, but that probably has to do with the fact that I'm in a spanish speaking country, and I'm emersed by the language.

I really enjoyed that dream, I wish I could have it again =)

=(

2007-11-20T23:02:33Z

I miss my old friends. I miss all the fun we had, all the completely idiotic irresponsible things we did. I wish I could go back to when things were more simple, and all you had to worry about was how to have some fun.

Don't you wish you could go back with me?

So hurry up and get here.

2007-10-26T20:15:29Z

Love Song For No One
John Mayer

Staying home alone on a Friday
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love
Or lack thereof
After all the crushes are faded
And all my wishful thinking was wrong
I'm jaded
I hate it

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
Get here

Searching all my days just to find you
I'm not sure who I'm looking for
I'll know it
When I see you
Until then, I'll hide in my bedroom
Staying up all night just to write
A love song for no one

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?
Oh no way

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
I'm so tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
I'm so tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here

You'll be so good
You'll be so good for me
Oh You'll be so good

You never even tried

2007-10-25T23:17:52Z

And I am finally seeing, why I was the one worth leaving.

2007-10-24T19:00:02Z

"The District Sleeps Alone Tonight"
The Postal Service

Smeared black ink... your palms are sweaty
And I'm barely listening to last demands
I'm staring at the asphalt wondering what's buried underneath
Where I am
Where I am

I'll wear my badge... a vinyl sticker with big block letters adherent to my chest
That tells your new friends I am a visitor here...
I am not permanent
And the only thing keeping me dry is
Where I am
Where I am
Where I am

You seem so out of context in this gaudy apartment complex
A stranger with your door key explaining that I am just visiting
And I am finally seeing
Why I was the one worth leaving
Why I was the one worth leaving

D.C. sleeps alone tonight

Where I am
Where I am
Where I am

You seem so so out of context in this gaudy apartment complex
A stranger with your door key explaining that I am just visiting
And I am finally seing
Why I was the one worth leaving
Why I was the one worth leaving

Where I am
Where I am
Where I am

The district sleeps alone tonight after the bars turn out their lights
And send the autos swerving into the loneliest evening
And I am finally seeing
Why I was the one worth leaving
Why I was the one worth leaving
Why I was the one worth leaving
Why I was the one worth leaving

Yes, Giselle, I am a lyrics whore.

2007-09-26T23:00:16Z

Schism
Tool

I know the pieces fit cause I watched them fall away
mildewed and smoldering, fundamental differing,
pure intention juxtaposed will set two lovers souls in motion
disintegrating as it goes testing our communication
the light that fueled our fire then has burned a hole between us so
we cannot see to reach an end crippling our communication.

I know the pieces fit cause I watched them tumble down
no fault, none to blame it doesn't mean I don't desire to
point the finger, blame the other, watch the temple topple over.
To bring the pieces back together, rediscover communication.

The poetry that comes from the squaring off between,
And the circling is worth it.
Finding beauty in the dissonance.

There was a time that the pieces fit, but I watched them fall away.
Mildewed and smoldering, strangled by our coveting
I've done the math enough to know the dangers of a second guessing
Doomed to crumble unless we grow, and strengthen our communication

cold silence has a tendency to atrophy any sense of compassion

between supposed lovers
between supposed lovers

And I know the pieces fit.

Never see just what we're meant to be....

2007-09-19T22:35:10Z

Bizarre Love Triangle

Every time I think of you
I get a shot right through
Into a bolt of blue
It's no problem of mine
But it's a problem I find
Living the life that I can't leave behind
There's no sense in telling me
The wisdom of a fool won't set you free
But that's the way that it goes
And it's what nobody knows
And every day my confusion grows
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for the final moment
You say the words that I can't say

I feel fine and I feel good
I feel like I never should
Whenever I get this way
I just don't know what to say
Why can't we be ourselves like we were yesterday
I'm not sure what this could mean
I don't think you're what you seem
I do admit to myself
That if I hurt someone else
Then I'll never see just what we're meant to be
Every time I see you falling
I get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for the final moment
You'll say the words that I can't say
Every time I see you falling
I'll get down on my knees and pray
I'm waiting for the final moment
You'll say the words that I can't say

So, Its over.

2007-09-14T16:27:47Z

Where do I start? How about, unrequited love is a bitch.

I spoke to her again. She's fairly certain that she could never love me more than a friend. It's probably best this way, but that doesn't change how I feel.

I love her. I really do. I was afraid to say it because I wasn't sure if it was reciprocated (its not, obviously). But I do love her. She made me smile, she made me happy.

But now its over.

God I hate this feeling.

Thinking, "Oh, is it love?"

2007-08-22T00:37:07Z

You know, you can apply anything to your current situation, it just takes some selective sight to only see the things that agree with what you want to see. I do this a lot when I'm listening to music. But this song is different, it really gets to me because I don't have to ignore any part of it, it fits so nicely.

Thanks Elley =D

Oh, It Is Love
By Hellogoodbye

Oh, it is love
From the first
Time I set my eyes upon yours
Thinking "Oh, is it love?"

Oh dear, its been hardly a moment
And you are already missed
There is still a bit of your skin
That I've yet to have kissed

Oh say "please do not go"
But you know, oh, you know that I must
Oh say "I love you so"
But you know, oh, you know you can trust

We'll be holding hands once again
All our broken plans I will mend
I will hold you tight so you know

It is love
From the first
Time I pressed my hand into yours
Thinking, "Oh, is it love?"

Oh dear its been hardly 3 days
Yet I long to feel your embrace
There are several days
Until I can see your sweet face

Oh say wouldn't you like
To be older and married to me
Oh say wouldn't it be nice
To know right now that we'll be

Someday holding hands in the end
All our broken plans will have been
I will kiss you soft, so you know

It is love
From the first
Time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinking "Oh, is it love?"

Oh, your heart may long
for a love that is more near
So, when I'm gone
These words will be here

To ease every fear
And dry up every tear
And make it very clear
I kiss you and I know

It is love
From the first
Time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinking "Oh, is it love?"

Oh, It is love
From the first
Time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinking "Oh, is it love?"

Oh, I kiss you and I know
It is love
From the first
Time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinking "Oh, is it love?"

acil @ 2007-08-20T10:34:00

2007-08-20T17:37:06Z

This is soooo hard. As soon as I started paying attention to the time, it started going by slower and slower. I'm dying to see her again. I feel almost like I did the week she left. I can't concentrate on anything, I can't keep my mind off of her. My insides are in a bunch constantly.

Mergle.

ho hum

2007-08-20T03:16:04Z

Mergle. I miss her.

shh-boom

2007-08-17T22:44:24Z

In just three weeks I'll be enjoying the company of one very wonderful lady and her adorable offspring. I'm soo looking forward to this visit. Last time was a nice ice breaker, but I can't wait to push everything along a little more. I look forward to all the sappy things that parted lovers look forward to, the hugs, the kisses, the long pauses while you stare deeply into each others eyes, etc etc. But most of all, I look forward to just holding her in my arms. I could spend hours in her arms and be completely content.

Once I get there and I get past the finally being able to hold her again part, I think I will be most excited by being able to go out and just do stuff with her - enjoy life together - share life together. I'm also excited to finally meet Kale, the center of her life.

There are so many things I am excited about, I'm just so overwhelmed. I never thought this would ever happen. Now that it is, I'm still struggling to believe it.

It's about freaking time my life started to ROCK!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mew

2007-08-05T23:20:15Z

Oh my god.

I need to sleep

I've had 10 hours of sleep in the last 80.

We're just about done here, just need to figure out one last problem, wrap up the audits and checklists, sleep a few more hours and head home.

I look forward to a full nights rest... working 18 hour days with 3 to 5 hours of sleep a night is exhausting.

Its Jasmines birthday today. I called her at 2:06am EST, exactly when she was born 24 years ago. we talked for a while and then I passed out.

I sent her roses for her birthday. She seems to like them, tho I might have gotten her hopes up higher than a dozen roses, I dunno.

I'm still scared about the future. There are so many unknowns, theres no way to feel safe with what I'm doing. In a way, I like it though. I'm not a risk taker for the most part, I do the things that guarantee some success as opposed to the things that give the option of great success or great failure. I'm taking a chance here, but I feel I have to. The chances of success are the same they've always been, but if I do actually succeed in this endeavor, it would make the story of a lifetime, and I would forever be thoroughly pleased with my life. At least, thats how it feels now.

Either way, I'm exploring a door thats been half open and basically untraveled for half my life, the suspense is finally going to be over, and perhaps I will find the love of my life, or perhaps I will find a great friend. Either way, I'm all in.

Woot

2007-08-04T21:21:43Z

Okay, so day two. 5:19pm EST. I've had 4 hours of sleep in the last 54 hours. We're still working on getting everything configured. We're almost done, we just gotta wrap everything up. I'm hoping to fly back on wednesday or sooner, but who knows what'll happen between now and then